Transitioning from Summer to Autumn and ultimately thewinter months has always been my favourite time of year.
Frosty morning walks, the leaves falling from the trees toleave a carpet of crunch, it makes me feel childlike crunching in the leaves.Sometimes we need to embrace the child within and forget about life as we knowit, be more carefree and ‘Let.’ Adulting is tough but only as tough as we makeit, our thoughts, feelings and actions all controlled by us, so why do wecomplicate it. Be more childlike.
Autumn is the transition into winter and as the leaves fallwe don’t question nature, the trees rest for the winter and start new growth inSpring. So why do we question everything we do? Why not follow nature’s exampleand do You.
We have been programmed from a young age to worry or thinkabout how others will react to what we do.
This morning the reality of another winter ahead. The timeof year I craved as Jonathan was in the house at a reasonable time for tea andsitting around the fire with some programme or other on the television,laughter and jokes with Charlotte and James and of course ‘our’ time after theywent to bed. Precious times. We used to talk about when the kids left home andshare ideas, plans of how our life would look, planning for our retirement andall the things we would do together.
Life throws curve balls at times and loosing Jonathan andour plans has been a rather large curve ball in my life. The realisation I willbe growing old without my soulmate, the realisation I am home alone more than Iimagined I would be as my beautiful children start their journey of life intoadulthood. The realisation it will be solo travels from now on, visiting theplaces we talked about going to, the trips with friends, the socialising withcouples, all the ‘couples’ things as a single person.
The time we craved as a couple now ‘my time’, finding Me hasbeen key to helping me through these long nights, studying and growing, sharingmy thoughts with likeminded people via the internet, as one of my friends saidrecently when we met in person ‘I’ll see you in the wee box.’ This did make megiggle and it's so true, funny how connection via a screen can uplift you. Ihave found my tribe, my supporters, my cheerleaders and I know they are allthere whenever I need them.
I can see how people who have lost a loved one or lost asignificant other in their lives can soon head into the depths of despair,clutching the memories and not knowing which way to turn. I am sharing thiswith you all today as I too could have turned over in bed and snuggled down forthe day under the duvet. The sun shining through the window when the darknesseventually turned to light (always remember; there is no dark switch) Iswitched my thinking to ‘I get to be alive today’ ‘I get to do this day’ smiledto myself and said, ‘Today is a good day.’
I am not saying it is easy; I am saying we can have a lifeafter the loss of a loved one, sharing in our grief and working on ourselves.Our significant other is not forgotten we are just growing into the person wenow are as our identity is lost with them and we need to find that person andlive the life we have been given.
When it is my time to meet Jonathan again, I don’t want himto say, “why did you die with me?” he would want me to live my life to the fulland I embrace each day in the knowing I am doing exactly that.
What are you doing today? I am grateful for the frostymorning walk with my dogs and the carpet of crunchy leaves to play in.
Be more childlike sent with love from me to you 💕
